Leaving the hobby vs Selling and getting new dolls

So! I've been disowned from my family, screamed at many times over the course of several says, texted horrible things, and the list goes on. All because my twin sister decided it was okay to steal thousands of dollars from me and then (as an extra slap in the face) steal my Anya preorder. 

Due to that, when I look at my current doll collection I feel a bit of disgust. They are all dolls I talked to her about buying and got her advice on. All of them feel tainted. 

I LOVE this hobby, I was in this hobby for years before she was, but I am just so hurt. My hard earned money was stolen and used to buy dolls than she would then sell for a fourth of their worth. And MY dolls all have her influence. 

I have  kind of a big collection, so I'm not sure they'll all sell quickly...but maybe at least having some gone will let me breathe a bit better. What do you think? I'll list the dolls below without a ton of detail so you have some idea of what I am working with 

Tan Mochi Ashi with faceup

MDD no faceup

4 diff Azones full set 

2 Obitsu full sets 

UF Doll full set

2 Angel Philia full sets

2 imomofull sets

2 imomos 

There's nothing wrong with starting over if you'd like. Maybe selling the dolls would be therapeutic? Or you could just store them for a while and see if your opinion on them changes with distance from the situation.

Outside of dolls, may I just say- it is incredibly hard to have to step away from toxic family members, or to be cut out like that, and you are incredibly strong for being able to deal with it all. As someone who was once in a similar situation (though admittedly without the financial aspect) I want to let you know it does get easier over time. It's so, so difficult, but over time your heart will heal. I feel for you and hope for things to get better for you soon.

2 minutes ago, PlasticJester said:

 

Outside of dolls, may I just say- it is incredibly hard to have to step away from toxic family members, or to be cut out like that, and you are incredibly strong for being able to deal with it all. As someone who was once in a similar situation (though admittedly without the financial aspect) I want to let you know it does get easier over time. It's so, so difficult, but over time your heart will heal. I feel for you and hope for things to get better for you soon.

This...means so much to me. More than what I can express through just typing. I am SO sorry you were in a similar situation. It sucks. Thank you so much for your help and support❤️. I feel for you as well! You're incredibly strong yourself. I'm trying really hard to just...deal with things. I just want her like 'vibes' out of my life. None of the love was real and it took my 28yrs to see that. The abuse I allowed myself to just take is horrendous. Thankfully I'm saving myself in time enough to actually be okay. And I'm grateful enough for just that. I just need...to start fresh I think. I try to be a better person every day and I just have to hold onto that. Hold on to my own goodness and love and not let being hurt change me. 

I agree with PJ above, there is nothing wrong with starting on a clean slate in the hobby if you are truly unable to reconcile your feelings with what's already with you.

However, I highly recommend opting to store them for a while first before jumping into selling (unless you need the financial boost) - I've seen too many people across various hobbies sell their entire collection and then regret it, wishing they had simply stepped away for a bit instead.  Sometimes a bit of distance helps you form a clearer picture of "is it these particular things I am unhappy with" or "is it the entire thing I am unhappy with".

Realistically I think you need to address the external factors far more than the hobby factors, but that's not something to be done in a night, and it's a hugely personal process.  I hope you're able to access the resources you need to help yourself, or know people that can help you.

55 minutes ago, mmmuguet said:

I agree with PJ above, there is nothing wrong with starting on a clean slate in the hobby if you are truly unable to reconcile your feelings with what's already with you.

However, I highly recommend opting to store them for a while first before jumping into selling (unless you need the financial boost) - I've seen too many people across various hobbies sell their entire collection and then regret it, wishing they had simply stepped away for a bit instead.  Sometimes a bit of distance helps you form a clearer picture of "is it these particular things I am unhappy with" or "is it the entire thing I am unhappy with".

Realistically I think you need to address the external factors far more than the hobby factors, but that's not something to be done in a night, and it's a hugely personal process.  I hope you're able to access the resources you need to help yourself, or know people that can help you.

First off thank you 😊.

I don't think I can reconcile my feelings. I've been dealing with this for months and it's been months of looking at these dolls and feeling disgust. I fought for Anya because I didn't want my sister to win and lord something else over me and shove it in my face that she stole my doll and got away with it. But she will. Or try to. So I just want to...not have any that she had influenced - because I got cheaper dolls so that I could afford to also buy her some dolls too ( didn't realize she was stealing money and buying even more dolls) 

The good thing about dolls is that they are so versatile.

I would suggest maybe rebranding the dolls? Totally reinventing their looks and concepts to make it a fresh start. Especially reading how you still have love for the hobby itself.

Otherwise I can only agree with the opinions that selling should only be a last resort if storing them for a while or starting something new with them doesn't work to get rid of the negative memories attached to them.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and hope things get easier for you. Since you said in the other thread that family drama was what was stopping you from taking legal action, is it possible for you to take her to small claims court now that the worst case scenario has come to pass? Maybe some degree of justice would make you feel better about the situation.

29 minutes ago, ragnamuffin said:

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and hope things get easier for you. Since you said in the other thread that family drama was what was stopping you from taking legal action, is it possible for you to take her to small claims court now that the worst case scenario has come to pass? Maybe some degree of justice would make you feel better about the situation.

I actually sent her a Demand of Payment letter. Since a lot of places online said to do that as the first step to small claims. I got screamed at for several hours and told horrible things through text due to it, however my mom ended up giving me the money. Which is great, yay, but was told I now need to be happy and continue to keep my mouth shut and let my sister continue treating me like literal poop. So, it didn't really achieve anything. I realized that a lot of the money she stole she did it on her own accounts (Amazon, volks, alices collection) and I have no way of showing they weren't MY transactions. The stuff I could prove, my mom did pay and it was several thousands. But the emotional and mental damage is still very much there. 

 

Staring at my dolls, all I see is my sister's influence. I'd ask her advice and talk about each purpose to try and build a bond with her - but it was all a lie on her end. I got Azones because they were 'cheaper' and came as full sets so that I could spend more money on my sister's dolls and making HER happy. All the while she was using my money beyond my knowledge. And some stuff I did know about but thought I had to just accept it. I think starting over without her influence on them would be good. I don't want to leave the hobby...but I don't want to keep seeing multiple reminders of my stupidity 🙃 

Edited July 12 by Inolth
Dyslexia lol

In that case, go for it! Get rid of 'em and start again, build back better than ever! I threw out a lot of stuff that reminded me of the people in my life that hurt me. It's a totally reasonable response, I think. Your hobby should make you happy.

1 hour ago, PlasticJester said:

In that case, go for it! Get rid of 'em and start again, build back better than ever! I threw out a lot of stuff that reminded me of the people in my life that hurt me. It's a totally reasonable response, I think. Your hobby should make you happy.

Thank you for all your support!! I'm so sorry you were in a similar situation, but I am super proud of you!!! 

I'm very sorry you had to go through all this. As both I and my partner, @rudebuster, can say from experience: family is shit. Abuse, neglect, one side of the family treating @rudebuster and her father like dung because her mother died and the family apparently blamed them(?) even though they weren't involved; it was a wrongful death on the ambulance's part while they were at school and work? And for me, stepparents. Oh boy—physical, emotional, and even sexual abuse. So, to be honest, if I were you, I probably would have said "f*ck your damn family," keep my hobby because it makes me (or, in this case, you) happy, and be done with it. Toxic people should be removed from your life. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the worst life has to offer (family, ha ha), and hope everything turns out right in the end.

Though Anya may be trauma now because of this, there are still many other dolls out there. And you can customize your own too. So I'd say stick it up your sister's rear and keep it up; there's much fun to be had here.

I am so sorry you are going through all this. with time things will get better! sending you lots of love

Like others have said, you could give it some time and store the dolls away for some time. Personally though, I would sell them asap and start anew or give my dolls a complete refresh (depending on how much I like a sculpt or something limited/discontinued). That's just me though. I'm really sentimental when it comes to material things, but if that memory only makes me upset then better to rid myself of it ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

either way I wish you the best 🙏 don't let this ruin the hobby (or anything for that matter) for you!

I am so sorry for what your sister has done to you. Definitely not okay.

I am glad that you got some of your money back from your mom. When you worked hard for your money, you are the one who should spend it however you want. Manipulating like your sister has done for her own benefit and on top of that stealing is low. 

From the way you are talking about your current collection and your situation I would say start over again and sell the ones that are in someways connected to your sister. What she has done is so serious and impactful that the feeling will not disappear even after some time passed by. My advice: get the toxic out and start with a blanc page. I think that that will make you in the end more happy.