You have a DD but does your wife know?

That is pretty much what I've been asked, and been thinking about. I've had this hobby before i met her, never ever mentioned it to her tho. Only a handful of friends know I have her, but a couple of them think I should inform my wife of my hobby. My wife and i are pretty different when it comes to things we like, but we get along great usually. Shes not much for my geekish ways tho, and shes incredibly insecure as well and I think that is the main reason I have kept her in the dark about my hobby. She likes things to be very "normal" i guess you could say. I don't think it would go over well if she found out her husband had a hobby that most would think is just perversion or creepy. It doesn't bother me a whole lot, but sometimes id like to be able to indulge my dollfie hobby and purchase things and have her out thru the whole day, of which i can do neither cuz my wife opens my packages if I am not home to get them first. Its mostly just inconvenient lol

 

Does anyone else have this same/similar issue?

I'm not sure how to answer your question. I would think she will eventually find out so it may be better if you go ahead and tell her so it won't seem as much of a "dirty little secret". Then again you may be surprised and she may want to join you in the fun.

 

Maybe telling her would also help with her insecurity, in that you've told her something very few people know about and it would make her feel more "special"?

 

Do you hide your dolls in the home? Do you only play with them while she is out of the house?

 

 

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I'm no longer married (ended 15 years ago) but I thought about how this hobby of mine would affect any potential future relationships. By the way, I've only been in the hobby for 2 years so the dolls were not the demise of my marriage.

 

Should I meet a woman, and believe there is potential for a permanent relationship, would the dolls stop it right there and then. In other words, things are going great and then I tell her, or she comes to my home and sees them for the first time, would she think I am psychotic, or a loser, or desperate to get a real woman (because the dolls are a substitution), etc.

 

At this point I think the only women who would understand are those already in this hobby. So if I ever want to get married again I'll have to go to BJD-DD dating website Then again, even is she enjoys the hobby as well, she might get jealous of my most favorite doll

Oh yea Leena is in the house all the time. I have a place in the house where I can hide her and she wont be disturbed. Yea I get her out whenever I get free time to myself.

 

The biggest problem I'd run into is my wife judges everything off a scale that if you are a certain age you have to act a certain way(which honestly confuses the hell outta me as to why she married me to begin with cuz i am 28 and am far from acting as such) and when it comes to her insecurities things are met with hellfire and brimstone. Honestly I doubt I'll ever tell her anyways, she gets upset if I am sitting on the couch with her while she watches tv and I play the 3ds because I'm not paying attention to her. My prediction is it would end the same way as flying a lead balloon over a dumpster fire. She isnt a fan of my figurine collection and the provocative ones i keep out of site as well, yet another thing I have she doesn't know of

 

I'm mostly curious if I can relate to anyone or if I am kinda alone in this

I am the 'wife' part of what I consider to be a good marriage and though I am no 'expert' on marriage, I have been married for 31 years, through all the good times and the bad times (and there have been many of both). I guess the one thing I want to say to you is that secrets always, always, always come out eventually, one way or another. If it isn't 'voluntary,' they can certainly cause a huge upset in the relationship. Maybe there is some way that you could gently lead up to telling her about your DD? If you could get her looking at people like Danny Choo before you tell her, maybe that would help her to understand that there is nothing strange or wrong with men and 'dolls' and this could eventually become a hobby that you can share? Then it would become something you do together as a couple instead of something that you need to hide and worry about her stumbling across your hidey spot. My husband and I are relatively new to this hobby, but we are having a great time exploring it together! Keep in mind that she wouldn't have married you if she didn't love you...all of you and everything about you...and this is a part of who you are! Hang in there and trust her to accept this part of you! Until then, keep sharing about your girl with everyone here because they are a wonderful, accepting group of people!

That is pretty much what I've been asked, and been thinking about. I've had this hobby before i met her, never ever mentioned it to her tho. Only a handful of friends know I have her, but a couple of them think I should inform my wife of my hobby. My wife and i are pretty different when it comes to things we like, but we get along great usually. Shes not much for my geekish ways tho, and shes incredibly insecure as well and I think that is the main reason I have kept her in the dark about my hobby. She likes things to be very "normal" i guess you could say. I don't think it would go over well if she found out her husband had a hobby that most would think is just perversion or creepy. It doesn't bother me a whole lot, but sometimes id like to be able to indulge my dollfie hobby and purchase things and have her out thru the whole day, of which i can do neither cuz my wife opens my packages if I am not home to get them first. Its mostly just inconvenient lol

 

Does anyone else have this same/similar issue?

i thought marriages were based on mutual trust, understanding, acceptance and support

I was going to get married and the person that l was going to married he was ok with my hobby and did take some interested in it but he had is own hobby etc. Mind you l am not getting married now (long story that l don't want to get into that) I agree with shinegamix. I would have told her about your hobby right from the start and if she could have not understand that then that's her promble not yours and your being honest with her.

 

Now if is was me l tell the man/woman to take the whole package or there's the door.

I'm not married but after 9 years together, we're practically an old married couple anyway.

 

I personally think it's bad to keep any secrets from your partner, especially when it's something as trivial as your hobby. Danny wasn't thrilled by the idea initially, but he accepted it as my hobby and let me be. Now he doesn't care about my dolls at all as he's used to them, he even like my DD's now. If I had kept something like this a secret from him, I know he would have been upset and if I was in the same position, I would be upset too.

 

I think if you have to hide normal things like hobbies from your partner, then it isn't a very open or trusting relationship. Just my opinion of course, but I could never be in a relationship like that.

Hmmm... I know I would most likely misunderstand and over react on something that I accidentally find out my husband was hiding from me, regardless of whether it was a harmless hobby or not. I think it would have to do with the fact that he hid it from me and didn't trust me enough to tell me. Not that I've ever had this problem with him since we both are into anime and stuff and I already knew before marrying him that he was into Gunpla, magic cards and anime. He never hid it, just had his 'toys' laying around his house for me to see when we were still dating. It was kind of a not so subtle hint that, "hey, this is who I am and this is what I like, take it or leave it." I guess I wouldn't have married him if it bothered me one bit but I was happy that he trusted me enough to show me and tell me. Mind you, had I not known and found out later that he was spending money on them and hiding them, I would have been ticked, regardless of the fact that I never would have minded his being in such a hobby in the first place. It becomes more of a trust issue then you see. Now this could just be me and I don't really know about what your wife would think but if you don't mind listening to my humble opinion, I think it might be a good idea to let her know about your DD, rather than she find out by accident. By then it might be too late to 'salvage' the situation so to speak as she would have had these misguided and mistaken preconceptions going on in her head coupled with issues about your lack of trust. But, of course, whatever you decide hey. I wish you the best of luck.

I hate to admit it, but your wife sounds like me quite a few years ago. Raven and I have been married 14 years and together almost 20. There have been a lot of surprises in that time and I can't say that I was graceful about all of them. But I know I would surely be upset if Raven hid something from me all the time we were dating and even after we had gotten married. It really isn't a good sign when you talk to other people about something like this before your wife, but I can also understand the fear and insecurity you're dealing with at the moment.

 

From personal experience, if a spouse is that demanding of your time it could really be illustrating their insecurity. I used to get mad at Raven for very similar things (watching TV 'together' and he was doing something else) and would start yelling at him. What I didn't know how to say at that time that I wanted to share something with him so I assumed TV would be common ground. With him doing something else, usually reading, he was not sharing the same thing I was so there was no way I could talk to him about it. Raven is not the type of person who is good at just sitting down and having a conversation with, so I would often try to do similar things to give us something to discuss. If he did something else it was like being slapped in the face, as if he were yelling at me that he didn't want to spend time with me at all. He on the other hand thought we were spending a ton of time together. For a long time my fear of loosing him (even years after we were married) made me a very angry and rather spiteful person because I hadn't figured out how to admit or express how frightened I was.

 

My point is that hiding things never improves a relationship and being married really makes a person have to figure out how to communicate. Giving your partner a false image of who you are hurts the both of you, because secrets do not like to stay hidden. I admit that it was a bit strange for me when Raven started to take a personal interest in dolls despite the fact that I've always loved dolls. In the beginning I was really apprehensive when he expressed that he wanted a DD, because I really didn't know how he would view her. I think I told him that a DDdy was completely out of the question because they seemed so skanky. I struggled with knowing if his DD would somehow be some weird replacement for me, or what was even going through his mind. I can't say that I entirely understand it now, but I know it makes him really happy. Since we do a lot of photos and most of our DD are like our kids, I pretty much said that crotch shots are never allowed because I'm totally uncomfortable with it. Raven's DD Yuriko gets mad at me occasionally because she can't wear some of the sexy clothes that she wants to (and my DDdy can... ) but it stems from the same rules. I needed those so I wouldn't have to worry about him taking some of the common style of DD pics that I find really creepy.

 

You never really stated why you have an interest in DD so it makes me wonder a little if that is more why you are afraid to tell her. Is your DD a bigger posable version of one of your figures? Or does she just strike your geeky side with just being moe? I could understand your hesitation in telling your wife if your DD is more than just an innocent and adorable girl. Another thing I wonder is what she would think about a married woman having a young boy MDD. Personally at times I could see that being way more creepy than a grown man with a DD. My Tamayuki is just so special to me that I can't imagine not having him in my life.

 

In the end it's your call if you tell you wife or not, because it's your life. I just hope that both of you can learn to trust each other enough to let each other be yourselves and yet still be perfectly happy together.

 

~Sister Kyoya

(Pre-able: Hubby and I have collected figures for about 10 years. I know he's a completionist and likes to have everything in sets of some sort (either by company or by character). My sister has been collecting resin BJD's for about that long, but at the point of this story she only had 2 dolls. Through her, I knew a bit about the doll hobby but nothing specific).

 

When hubby first came to me expressing an interest in Saber Lily my initial reply was "Hell fucking no!" for a list of reasons, such as:

 

- ummm.. we've collected figures in the past but why does he want to get into dolls now? (Answer: it was just visually impressive and he intended to treat her as a giant figure).

- EXPENSIVE!! (We had just missed the lottery for her, so the only ones for sale were on YJA and going for around $3000)

- Just as a general comment about the doll hobby - "it's never just one" Even though my sister only had one doll for about 3 years she eventually bought a second doll too.

 

Mostly it was the last 2 items that weighed on my mind. It actually didn't bother me that my hubby was interested in dolls. I probed him quite thoroughly to find out what his reasons were and eventually conceded that if he was willing to get me a doll of my own so that we could share the hobby then he could have his Saber Lily.

 

Even though on my blog I list all of the dolls as "mine" there are definitely a handful of girls that are his dolls

 

 

It's not for me to judge your relationship with your wife, but generally if one partner needs to hide things and keep secrets it's not a good thing. If you're hiding things, what's to say that she's not hiding things from you too? (Again, I don't know you - please don't take that personally. It's a general statement!)

 

Imagine if your wife was cleaning one day and stumbled upon your doll by accident? What would she think?! If she is a bit insecure as you mentioned it might set off all kinds of questions in her mind.

 

I think that it's best to introduce her casually to the hobby. Show her some beautiful photographs of the dolls and ask her what she thinks.

<-- This person's photostream is a beautiful way to start. Nothing sexualized that might creep her out, beautiful posing.

i thought marriages were based on mutual trust, understanding, acceptance and support

 

That was pretty much my first thought when I read this thread.

 

I would have a good, honest talk with your wife about your hobby. Hiding and lying about what you like isn't doing either one of you any good. You're not happy 'cause you have to hide a hobby you enjoy and tell lies to the woman you love. She is currently living a lie 'cause there is a part of you that she knows nothing about. How would you feel if you found out that your wife had been lying and hiding things from you?

 

I've been into dolls for nearly 8 years. When I got my first doll, I'll admit that I did hide her from people (friends and family) out of fear that they would judge me. Then after a little while, I realized that life is too short and that it was too much effort to constantly hide her.

 

So I never bothered hiding my dolls again. I have had them displayed in my home for years. So far, I've never had anyone comment negatively on them. I don't expect my partner to get involved with my dolls (to each their own) but the way I see it, is that my dolls makes me happy and if my partner can't accept that, then he isn't the one for me.

Mostly got into it because i feel like i can relate more with anime and such cuz I enjoy making cosplay outfits and such with friends so i can relate more with my favorite characters and such. Also its an artist thing because i always had a difficult time with human forms. I enjoy drawing but typically I am better with more inanimate objects than things that have subtleties and changes like bodies, clothing, hair, etc...

 

I just get worried cuz she feels any and all anime is just sexual themes and shes never been thrilled im into it. It being true that dd is an anime style i feel itll just encourage it. I'm not worried she'll stumble upon my dd because she really does never disturb that hiding place. She doesn't even know it's there honestly. It's more of a "I wish I could tell her and she'd be cool with it" kind of thing. My dd wouldn't be allowed to be out on a daily basis anyways cuz my wife has two children and she wouldn't want them to see it anyways. I've been working with some of my friends to help my wife feel more comfortable around anime. We even took her to her first ever convention over the weekend. Could have gone better but I think there was some progress made. Maybe one day ill feel comfortable informing her, but right now it'd just be a disaster.

So sad to read this...

 

Like others have said, love is all about accepting and loving each other. If you have to hide something let it be something really bad like being on substance abuse, robbering... But all that hassle for enjoying a beautiful and harmless hobby? To me, that's no way of enjoying marriage, yourself or any hobby

My ex knew about the hobby, you couldn't miss it, I had cases of dolls everywhere. But I have to admit I didn't really tell him how much I spent on the dolls. I was the bread winner, so I think I didn't feel I had to explain it to him, even though I knew he'd freak out. You'd think it would have been the least of of his issues, though, I mean I have horses, too, for crying out loud and they are a lot more expensive than the dolls LOL.

It's kinda painful hearing about this problem.

 

How does your wife not know about your hobbies and what you like?

How has she married you without knowing these things?

Why hasn't she ever asked?

Why haven't you had the heart to tell her before?

 

Despite her not liking something, doesn't mean you hide it from a person. Especially if that person is someone as close to you as your wife. However, based on what you posted here, it doesn't seem like you are close... The person you marry is supposed to be your best friend. Someone you can trust with anything in the world. Someone you're not afraid to talk to, and someone who won't judge you.

 

It just...doesn't sound like you put any faith in her. Like...you don't think she loves you enough to see past your likes and hobbies. If that isn't happening in your relationship, I'm wondering why things happened in the first place.

 

I'm not trying to be mean or nosy, this issue just...bothers me a lot. I hope you work things out with your wife.

Man, some of y'all have it rough. Hooray for being single!

 

im not sure if i have it lucky or if i have it rough, my girlfreind is the one that got me into the hobby in the first place... so hiding it isnt a problem. its whether or not i can expect equal attention vs her spoiled resin boys sometimes

Man, some of y'all have it rough. Hooray for being single!

 

im not sure if i have it lucky or if i have it rough, my girlfreind is the one that got me into the hobby in the first place... so hiding it isnt a problem. its whether or not i can expect equal attention vs her spoiled resin boys sometimes

 

Man, you have it rough too then.

She is your wife, the one person you are supposed to trust with every ounce of your being. You are hiding an expensive hobby from her, and you might make a mountain of a molehill by continuing to hide it.

 

I would be very upset if I found out my fiance was hiding something like this from me, and I've known him for 10 years now. Not because of what it is, but because it displays such a lack of trust and willingness to communicate with your partner.

 

He knows I have Holo and he knows all of the other little silly hobby quirks I have too and I know all of his in turn.

If i just show it to her, then she'll think it's some weird hobby with something to do with sex . Most of my nice anime collectibles and video games are still packed away atm cuz the house we live in is kinda small and she's not a fan of anime so most of my stuff is still in boxes. I think what I'm gonna do is when we move and i have the space for a room for my things(man cave) I'll display my dollfie with those things so it wont come off as oddly. I think just going up to her and saying "Here's my anatomically correct Japanese anime styled 1/3 scale customizable action doll!" would freak her out. If i place it out with all my other figurines I believe it will be easier to explain and come off less as something sexual.

That seems like a good idea. What kind of anime has she been exposed to that she thinks it's all perverted? Or does she just have an idea in her head and refuses to watch anything? My husband doesn't like anime in general, but if I watched it in front of him there were certain ones he would follow the story, like Inuyasha, Ghost in the Shell, and Claymore. A lot of things I watch are girly or comedic, but sometimes he doesn't mind the action ones. So even though he'll claim to not like anime at all, he will watch some of it.

her brother is into games and some anime, and he would over sexualize them. He would get all excited about getting certain characters naked and it would really creep her out. So she has this biased opinion that formulated from that experience that she feels it's shady and sexual. The only other person shes ever dealt with that was into games and anime was her brother before she met me. Introducing her to my friends has helped some. Its shown were not all creepy sexual perverts. It's a baby step kinda thing i gotta do.

Yeah baby steps are good. But I hafta ask, if she has kids, didn't they ever watch kids anime like Pokemon? My niece and nephew have seen several mainstream animes. I can only think that she either didn't let them, or she didn't realize they were Japanese. I didn't realize Sailor Moon was Japanese when I watched it in elementary school until a friend told me.

shes okay with the kids watching pokemon mostly cuz she knows its harmless and I'm familiar with it. before I was with her the kids didn't really watch it much. That's the other side of the coin tho, is it's also a kids thing if it isn't perverse to her. She tells me all the time I need to grow up and stop watching cartoons but she loves her cheesy soaps so I at least have something to fire back at her

shes okay with the kids watching pokemon mostly cuz she knows its harmless and I'm familiar with it. before I was with her the kids didn't really watch it much. That's the other side of the coin tho, is it's also a kids thing if it isn't perverse to her. She tells me all the time I need to grow up and stop watching cartoons but she loves her cheesy soaps so I at least have something to fire back at her

 

also throw down why playboy is bad while 50 shades of grey is fine. its more or less the same thing

Indeed. Cheesy soaps and trashy romance novels are accepted as ok for adults, but they're really not that intellectually stimulating. I watch serious shows but I still watch cartoons too. My husband was of the type that once he reached a certain age he decided to "grow up" and stop watching Disney movies and playing board games. I never stopped doing those things- maybe that's why I'm in a hobby such as this one. I don't see the point in stopping something because you've reached whatever age even if you enjoy it. That's a good way to kill all the enjoyment in life. But although hubby still won't watch Disney, no matter how entertaining family movies can be, he does have his geeky hobbies too. He plays Magic: the Gatheringand various fantasy board games. But those are ok since he pplays with other adults or something. Anyway, my point is, I was able to use his geeky Magic hobby as leverage to be able to get into this one. So you just have to find some leverage with her in some way.